When I moved into my new house, I decided that instead of having a land line and a cell phone, I'd just have a cell phone--that is, provided the signal was good at my house. Can't have Sarah Michelle Gellar calling me, asking if she should leave Freddie Prinze, Jr for me and have that conversation get garbled. (Of course, I'd totally advise her to leave him, but not for me...I'm no prize, but if she'd leave him for me, she'd leave me for someone else. (Yes, sadly enough I've thought this through)).
So far, the arrangement has worked out well. A lot of it has been a matter of making sure the phone is charged all the time and that I don't take it off and put it down somewhere in the house that is unusual, thus insuring I will forget where it is.
So, yesterday I'm doing some work around the house and I realize I need to make a call. I reach for my cell phone and...it's not there. I think back, wondering where I put it down. So, I search the house, slowly panicking more and more because holy cow, I can't find my cell phone! Visions of Sarah Michelle calling are now dancing before my panicked brain...
As I'm standing there, I start to curse myself--fool, if you had a land line, you could call yourself now and find your phone. But oh no, smart guy had to go cheap and not get a land line.
Then, I recalled...foolish mortal, you have the Internet. You have Skype. It lets you make free calls.
I practically skipped to the computer, which let's face it is pretty embarrassing to see a 33 year old man skip to his computer. I opened up Skype, punched in my number and waited....
It rang. I heard nothng.
It rang again. Still nothing.
Now, panic is starting to creep in. It goes all the way to voice mail and now I'm thinking--oh sweet mother of mercy, I've lost the cell phone and now Sarah Michelle is definitely calling and she's gonna make Scooby Doo 3 with Freddie and it will suck but you'll watch it and the world will totally blame you.
See, this is how my mind works when in a panicked state. Things no longer make sense....
So I take a deep breath and start to think. Where'd I last see it? I had run errands and earlier used it while in Wal-Mart..did I leave it there. I go out to the car..nothing. Hmmm,I check under the seats and find nothing. Well, OK, I found dust bunnies but no phone....
So, I figure--let's go to Wal-Mart and see if we can find the phone. I try to drive at the speed limit to get there, but there's this growing sense of dread on me as I see vandal and hoodlums in Wal-Mart, using my phone to do all kinds of horrible things such as call everyone in my phone book and run up a truly spectacular bill. Plus, Sarah Michelle might be calling and get--gasp!!--a busy signal!!!!
I get to Wal-Mart and try to not run into the store. I am looking along the parking lot, seeing if the phone is sitting there...nope. I go in, looking at the floor. Nothing. I go to customer service and patiently wait while the person in front of me is helped.
And by patiently I mean I am going--come on......get your refund later. Terrorists could be using my phone right now to plot the downfall of America. And running up a truly spectacular bill.
So, I get up to the counter and ask if anyone has turned in a cell phone. They guardedly say maybe and ask me to describe it.
And my mind goes blank. I am stammering.."It's...um...silver....in a black case...and it would have played Rocky Top about ten minutes ago when I called to see if it was in the house."
At this point, the Wal-Mart employee smiles, hands me my phone and all is right with the world. I walk up humming "Reunited..and it feels so good" and feeling much better about life in general.
Oh and Sarah Michelle--if you're reading this, call me!
posted by Michael Hickerson at 7/24/2006 03:55:00 PM